Misfortunate Events
by Sl'askia
Summary: A series of one-shots covering the misadventures of some of our favorate characters and a few of my own. Enjoy the laughs. 11th short added!
1. Flamethrower

_Author's Note_**:** This will be series of one-shots that will not be related to each other unless noted. I will add to it periodically. Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proof reader.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

Sani was looking forward to his evening shower after a long day of drilling. When he entered the communal shower he saw his childhood friend Runi there as well, toying with a small silver object. "What is that?" He asked curiously.

"This…is what the humans call a 'lighter'." Runi replied. "They use them to light things on fire, like those sticks they put in their mouths."

"Cigarettes." Sani corrected him. "Why do you have it in here?"

"Oh…conducting a little experiment." Runi said, a familiar glint in his eye. "One I need your help with."

"Oh?" Sani was getting a bad feeling about this already. "How can I be of help when I do not even know what it is you are trying to do?"

"I was doing some research on the more obscure things humans have done and thought I would try some of them out." He patted Sani on the shoulder. "In this case all you need to do is to let one rip."

"Um….why?" Sani asked hesitantly.

"From what I read human flatulence can be rather flammable and thus create an interesting effect when ignited. I want to see if the same is true for us."

Sani was really getting a bad feeling now. "That…sounds…dangerous…." He started to back away. "Besides…what makes you think I have any…um…gas…to spare?"

Runi snorted, suddenly grabbed him and forced him to bend over. "Oh come on…with the amount of ice cream you eat despite being…what is it?"

"Lactose intolerant!" Sani said as he tried to break free from his 'friends' grip.

"Ah yes…anyway, despite that you have enough gas in you to where you can practically fart on command." Sani felt Runi rip his towel off his waist and something hot get close to his rear. "So let one rip already!"

"Ow! You are burning my ass!"

"Well hurry up and fart then!"

As it happened he let one rip just then and all Sani heard was a loud 'whoosh'.

"Wow that was wicked!" Runi said excitedly. "Let us do anoth…..um….eh heh…"

"What is it?" Sani asked, finally pulling free from Runi's grip. When he turned around he saw exactly what was wrong.

The Shipmaster had walked in just at the moment of 'firing' and was now blinking at both of them in numb shock. Like them he was about to take a shower and had only a towel on, which was now charred and smoking, along with part of his abdomen looking a little singed.

"Um…hi Shipmaster…." The two said sheepishly as they started to back away, seeing that the Shipmaster was slowly coming out of his shock. They both turned and started to run, only for both of them to suddenly be grabbed by the neck by a rather irate Shipmaster….

_**Later**_

"This is all your fault Runi…." Sani grumbled as he scrubbed the bathroom floor.

"How is it _my _fault?" Runi growled as he scrubbed a part of the wall. "_You_ are the one that has a gas problem!"

"Yeah well it was _your_ idea!" Sani snapped. "Now not only do we have to clean every bathroom on the ship…but I got a burn on my ass from that stupid lighter of yours that really hurts!"

"Less talking, more scrubbing!" The Unggoy that was in charge of supervising their punishment said. An Unggoy that was enjoying this way too much. "You missed a spot!"

"I scrubbed that area twice!" Runi protested.

"Scrub it again!" The Unggoy barked, smacking him on the head with a brush.

"OW! You little…." Runi started to rise to punch the insolent little pest.

"Nuh uh, you do, Shipmaster punish you worse." The Unggoy reminded him, wagging a finger at him.

"How can he do _worse_!?" Sani whined.

"Oh, me sure he can think of things…." The Unggoy tapped his claws together with glee.

"I am finding the Unggoy more annoying then the punishment to be honest…" Runi grumbled, only to be smacked on the head again. "OW!"

* * *

Shipmaster Rtas 'Vadum walked into the infirmary and sat down on one of the medical beds while he waited for the medic to notice him. "Shipmaster." The medic said when he finally saw him. "What are you doing here?"

"I have a plasma burn." Rtas said, removing the towel to reveal the burn mark.

"Plasma? That looks more like a…."

"It is a _plasma_ burn." Rtas said more forcefully.

The medic blinked a couple of times. "Right…plasma burn…the treatment is pretty much the same anyway…"

Rtas laid back on the bed, sighed and rubbed his head. _Of all ships…why did _I_ have to receive those two?_ He thought with a groan.

Some scars you just do not want to have to explain….


	2. School Visit

_Author's Note_**:** Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proof readers.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

Plus, I am not responsible for any side cramps from this series!

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" The Arbiter asked Johnson as he and Master Chief followed him onto the school grounds. Johnson had suggested they visit a school or two as a public service, show the kids the heroes of the war. However, neither the Arbiter nor Master Chief had much experience in dealing with children, so were a bit wary of the idea.

"Stop worrying you two." Johnson chided them. "Kids love heroes! They'll get a kick out of you! Besides." The human turned around and poked the Arbiter in the chest. "For most of these kids, you'll be the first Elite they have ever seen."

"I would probably terrify them…" The Arbiter muttered.

"And you think I would be much less frightening?" Master Chief grumbled.

"Well you do look like one of those rogue robot things from those old movies…" The Arbiter said with a smirk. Johnson had taken the opportunity to show the Arbiter some of the movies from the old days and a lot of the ones that were _supposed_ to be scary he found funny instead.

"Very funny…." Master Chief growled.

"Ok you two, this is your room." Johnson said, pointing out the door. "Mine is further down the hall. Have fun and no eating the kids Arby."

"Ha ha…" The Arbiter growled at Johnson's retreating back. He looked at the Master Chief, whom seemed even less confident about this. "Well Spartan…we might as well get this over with…" He said as he opened the door.

* * *

Outside, Vl'asuna was dozing in the sun, relishing warmth. She couldn't do this on Sangheilios, since the three suns of that system made it far too hot for her. So she was going to enjoy this as much as possible while she and the Arbiter were visiting Earth.

Vl'asuna heard something and flicked an ear in that direction. Looking up she saw a group of young girls staring at her, looking a bit wary of her. "It is alright." She told them. "I will not harm you."

The girls looked a bit shocked that she could talk. "Can we…pet you?" One of them asked.

The Lipor smiled at them pleasantly. "Sure, I do not see why not." She replied. The girls approached cautiously and touched her fur.

"Oooo it's so soft!" One of them squealed. Soon all of them were petting her eagerly and Vl'asuna was quite enjoying this.

_Heaven…_ She thought as she started to purr.

* * *

"Uh…Arbiter…is it just me or are these kids a bit younger then what we were expecting?" Master Chief whispered.

"I agree…" The Arbiter whispered back, blinking in confusion as he stared down at the group of kids that had to be no more then five years old. "I was expecting children that were a lot more…advanced in their mental and physical development than this."

As the teacher introduced them to the children, the two war veterans could only wave nervously. Neither of them knew how to talk to children this young, or at least had a lot of experience with it. Both had a bad feeling that this would not end pleasantly.

* * *

Meanwhile, Vl'asuna was no longer enjoying herself. _Ok…this is going too far…_ She thought as she gritted her teeth. The girls had completely surrounded her and were doing all sorts of things to her fur. She wanted to stop them, but feared hurting them. All she could do was endure it.

* * *

"Arbiter…_do_ something!" Master Chief pleaded. The teacher had to leave the room for some emergency, leaving the two in charge of the kids. Only it seemed the kids were in charge instead….

"Why me!?"

"Surely you have kids and know how to deal with them!"

"Um…no…." The Arbiter said bitterly. "Maybe we can knock them unconscious?"

"Are you kidding me!? Their parents would _kill_ us! Not to mention the political fallout on _your_ end!"

"Point taken…" The Arbiter said with a sigh. "So all we can do is just sit here and let them do this in hopes the teacher comes back before too much damage is done…."

"Great….the armory guy is going to kill me…."

"And it is going to take forever to get this stuff off…."

"Stay between the lines…" One kid was muttering in a dead monotone. "The lines are my friends…"

"And this one is _really_ creeping me out!"

**About an hour later…**

Johnson looked at his watch, wondering what was taking the others so long. _Must be having too much fun._ He thought. The marine had fun himself, the kids were very eager to learn about the Corps and the alliance.

"Johnson…"

Johnson turned and nearly choked on his cigar. "'Mura!? What the hell happened to you?"

The Lipor was walking a bit awkwardly toward him, bows and burettes attached everywhere on her body. Her mane and tail fluff were now in multiple braids that ended in yet more bows and burettes. "Please….get them off….they…pinch…" The Lipor pleaded.

_Oh lords…_ Johnson thought as he knelt down and started removing the accessories from the Lipor's fur. "Guess you had a run in with a bunch of young girls that like to play dress up." He commented.

"I guess so…." Vl'asuna muttered. "Surely Azu and Chief fared better then I."

"Johnson…" A pair of familiar voices said in unison.

"Ah about time you two showed up, have too much…" This time he really _did_ choke on his cigar when he saw what happened to the pair.

Both the Arbiter and the Chief had their armor _redecorated_ for lack of a better term. The Arbiter's armor now had lots of colors, nicely following the patterns that were engraved in it. Even his battlesuit had been _recolorized _and he now sported a bow on one mandible, which he now ripped off. The Chief didn't fair much better, his armor was now a patch work of different colored scenes: his armor apparently worked quite well as a canvas. One kid had painted a big pink bow on the Chief's visor, which had to make it hard for him to see.

"I should not have opened my mouth…" Vl'asuna muttered, her mouth agape.

"Next time…" The Arbiter growled.

"High school age…" Chief continued.

"Definitely…." The Arbiter agreed.


	3. Armor Trouble

_Author's Note_**:** This one is more of a 'behind the scenes' bit, and yes, two certain Sangheili of mine cause trouble even there….

Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proof readers.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

* * *

Sl'askia headed to the kitchen after a hard days work, thinking about making dinner. Once there she stopped in her tracks in puzzlement. _Odd…why are the dishwasher trays out?_ She thought as she wandered over, preparing to put them back into the dishwasher.

"Um…mistress…." A voice said timidly behind her. Sl'askia turned to see one of her Sangheili characters, Runi 'Gotern, peeking around the corner with a guilty look on his face. Immediately she got a bad feeling. "I would not use the dishwasher…"

"Why not?" Sl'askia asked hesitantly.

"Because…um…" Sani 'Hilvum, one of her other Sangheili characters, continued for Runi. "How do we explain it…."

"We thought it would be good to do something nice for the Shipmaster…for once…" Runi managed. "So we….thought we'd clean his armor."

Sl'askia could already tell where _this_ was going. She put her hand on her head as she said. "Let me guess…you tried to use the dishwasher to clean it…."

"Uh huh…We originally wanted to use the washing machine, but the armor would not all fit in it: it all fit in the dishwasher though!" Runi said.

"Unfortunately…it…started making funny noises shortly after we started it…" Sani admitted.

"So I have a broken dishwasher…." Sl'askia grumbled.

"Actually it gets worse…." Runi said hesitantly.

"Oh great….how?"

"Well um…we do not think the delicate instruments in the armor took too well to the water…"

"Or the detergent…" Sani added.

She blinked, not believing what she was hearing. "You idiots…don't you guys have some kind of standard procedure for cleaning your armor?"

"Yes, but that would have taken too long and we wanted to be sure to do a good job on it." Runi said.

"Well…you sure did a _good _job on this!" Sl'askia growled. "So where is his armor now?"

"One of Scy's characters took it, to attempt to fix it." Runi replied. The pair of Sangheili both adopted pleading looks on their faces as they send in unison. "Please do not tell the Shipmaster about this!"

Sl'askia thought a moment, considering, a part of her wondering just how the pair got a hold of Rtas' armor in the first place: she decided she didn't want to know. "Alright, I won't, but on one condition, _two_ actually." She said finally.

"Name them." The pair said in unison.

"First, until I get the dishwasher fixed or replaced, you are both on dish washing duty."

"Ewww…." Sani whined but Runi elbowed him.

"The second, is that you are both hereby _banned_ from using any electronic equipment in this house!"

Both Sangheili jaws dropped in horror. "Th…that…include the TV?" Runi asked.

"Yes it does."

"But…but…I am close to beating Smash Bros on Adventure mode!" Runi whined.

"Tough." Sl'askia growled.

"And…and what am I going to do without my soaps!?" Sani complained.

"Oh lords…I can assure you that you can live without _that_ crap!"

Both Sangheili were now crying, muttering about how unfair this punishment was. Sl'askia rolled her eyes then shoved two Sangheili-sized pacifiers into their mouths. "Oh shut up you big babies and take your punishment like men." With that she walked out of the room.

Sani and Runi looked at each other. "You think we can scream character abuse, maybe get ourselves new owners?" Sani asked after pulling out the pacifier.

Runi pulled out his own pacifier and thought a moment. "Never work…the Arbiter has tried multiple times to get a restraining order on her due to the abuse she puts him through and she does not even _own_ him!"


	4. Polish

_Author's Note_**:** I must apologize for the sudden drop in frequency of updating my fics. Main reason being that real life has hit one of my betas hard and she has trouble getting time to beta my work, so things will be going up a bit slower.

Fortunately, this little short was proof read before this and only didn't post it before because this one takes place _after _'Chains of the Past'. However since does not contain any no real spoilers now I felt it would be safe to post. Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proofreaders.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

* * *

"What are those?" Vl'asuna asked when she saw Sari fiddling with some small bottles. Each bottle was only a couple of inches high and half of that was a tall black or white cap. The bottles themselves were clear from what she could tell, each with a different colored liquid in them.

"Nail polish," Sari replied. "That Johnson person gave them to me. He said their women used them to color up their claws to make them more attractive. I asked if I could give them a try and these are the colors he gave me, said they would go best with my skin color."

Vl'asuna looked at the various bottles, noting they were mostly pastel type colors. She saw lilac, a couple of different shades of pale blue and pink, lighter shades of purple and one that was pale green. "Did you try them out?" She asked.

"I did."

The Lipor twitched an ear, not believing her as she did not see any nail polish on her claws. "I see no polish on your claws." She pointed out.

"Oh, well…I did not exactly use my own to try them out." Sari said sheepishly.

Vl'asuna was getting a bad feeling. "Don't tell me….you painted Azu's claws…."

Sari blushed, confirming the Lipor's suspicions. "Well…I wanted to be sure the paint looked the same when it dried as it did when it was wet. He was out cold asleep when I did it," She grinned like a little girl. "I did his hooves too, played around with the colors on them to see what kind of designs I could make. You think I over did it?"

Vl'asuna's jaw was dropped open and she felt her face drain of color: good thing she was a _furred_ being! "Um….I take it he did not notice when he woke up…." She said.

"Not so far as I know…why?"

"Because he had a lunch meeting with the humans today…."

Sari's face paled, which was hard to do since she was already pale to begin with. "Oh no…."

* * *

The Arbiter strode into the restaurant, the smells of the place making him hungry. He had come in civvies, as requested by his human friends so not to intimidate the other customers. However, he felt he was intimidating as is without his armor, if the nervous looks from the other patrons were anything to go by.

He walked to the back of the restaurant, where the VIP room was located. Inside was Ambassador Avery Johnson, Lord Hood, Master Chief (whom still wore his armor despite the order) and a couple other humans he did not immediately recognize. On the Sangheili side was Rtas (who looked like he'd rather not be there) and a couple of the Elder Councilors. "I apologize for being late." He told them as he took a seat.

"No problem Arbiter, we haven't started yet anyway." Johnson replied.

"Arbiter…," One of the Councilors said, his eyes narrowing. "What is that on your claws?"

Around him everyone else was now staring at him, or rather at his hands. Johnson turned red as he tried hard not to laugh, but was failing miserably. Master Chief seemed to sigh and shake his head. The Councilors seemed disgusted and Lord Hood, Rtas, and the other humans just blinked in shock. Finally he dared to look at his hands himself and saw that his claws had been painted in various pastel colors.

"I see Sari has tried out that nail polish I gave her!" Johnson said between laughs. "Did she…," He looked under the table. "Yep…she got your hooves too…." The human was laughing boisterously now, the other humans joining in: even the Chief seemed to be chuckling. The other Sangheili didn't seem sure how to react and the Arbiter felt terribly small.

"Well…I think this meeting has gotten off to an…interesting start already…." Lord Hood said, wiping his eyes with a napkin.

"Indeed…." One of the Councilors agreed, grinning.

The Arbiter just wanted to hide right now, knowing he wasn't going to hear the end of this for some time. He wasn't sure who to kill for this either: a certain female he left back at the hotel or Johnson for giving her the nail polish in the first place.

Maybe he'll just kill them both….


	5. Sorry!

_Author's Note_**:** Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proofreaders.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

**

* * *

**Master Chief was walking down one of the corridors of Cairo Station when he spied a pair of familiar Elite troublemakers opening a box and putting the contents on the table. Curious about what the two were up to, he stepped a bit closer to ensure the pair were not up to any mischief. The largest item that was taken out of the box was a folded piece of cardboard, which when unfolded looked like a very old school game board. Also taken out were small plastic pieces that were round at the base and tapered to a small sphere at the end. These were in four different colors: red, green, blue and yellow and there were four of each said color. Last in the box was a deck of cards.

"What color are you going to be?" Chief heard, Runi was it…ask the other, whom had to be Sani going by his much paler skin tone.

"I think I will be this one." Sani replied, picking up the set of four blue pieces and setting them in one of the blue circles on the board.

"Fine, be the weak Minor. I will be the strong and mighty Zealot!" Runi said as he did the same with the yellow set.

"I do not believe the color makes a difference." Sani mumbled.

"We shall see about that Minor!" Runi said mockingly, moving one of the little yellow pieces as if it was speaking to him. Sani just rolled his eyes.

Now that he studied it for a moment, Chief felt he recognized the board game. '_Sorry!_', he believed it was called and it had been around for centuries. It was a simple game from what he remembered, but had enough complexity to satisfy those that liked a bit of strategy. "Mind if I join in?" He asked, approaching the table.

"Not at all Spartan," Runi said with a grin. "The more the merrier. What color you want to be? Red and Green are available."

Chief looked between the two colors carefully, then opted for the green pieces, setting them in the appropriate home circle. "What are the rules? I've never played." He asked.

After Runi explained the rules, the game commenced. After a couple of minutes, Chief saw the flaw in his choice of color: with Sani and Runi being blue and yellow respectively, they were 'behind' his pieces and could easily bump him back to start repeatedly. No matter, he will win: he _always_ wins!

_**30 minutes later…**_

It was turning out to be a rather long game due to either bad luck or chance. Runi kept bumping Chief's pieces to the start and Sani kept doing the same to Runi. Runi for the most part kept missing Sani's pieces, resulting in Sani now having two pieces at the finish. Or was Runi purposely doing that to antagonize Chief? Either way, Chief was starting to lose his patience.

"Do that to me again and I'll shove this board up your ass." Chief growled menacingly after Runi managed to knock three of Chief's figures back to start via one of the blue slides.

"Oh do not be such a sore loser Spartan." Runi said, waving a hand in dismissal.

"Um…Runi….," Sani said nervously, glancing at the Chief then at him repeatedly. "I would not provoke him if I were you…."

"Pfft…it is just a game, he needs to lighten up and learn to take a few losses." Runi snorted.

Sani whimpered faintly, feeling the Chief's angry glare upon them both. For the next couple of rounds Sani did his best to 'protect' the Chief's pieces by bumping Runi's, as he certainly did not want to have a game board up his ass. Unfortunately, since he already had two pieces at the finish, he was 'short manned' and eventually Runi did succeed in bumping Chief again.

As Chief slowly and menacingly rose from his seat, Sani was the only one smart enough to start running….

* * *

Sergeant Major Johnson blinked in confusion as he saw an Elite get wheeled by on a gurney with his ass up in the air and what looked like cardboard sticking out of his posterior. Said Elite looked like he was in a lot of pain. Then he saw Sani following close by, though taking his sweet time of it while nervously looking over his shoulder. "Do I even _want_ to know what you two got into this time?" He asked, immediately guessing the Elite he saw earlier was Sani's partner in crime, Runi.

"Um…we played a board game with the Spartan…and the Spartan is a….sore loser…." Sani replied.

"Oh Lords, what game were you playing?"

"Sorry."

"Um…you do not need to apologize to me kid."

"No no, that is the name of the game, Sorry."

"Oooohhhh…man that is old school," Johnson said. "How did you two get your paws on a copy of it? Those types of games are rare these days."

"One of the Marines let us borrow it," Sani explained. "I…I am not sure how to tell him that it has pretty much been ruined…."

"Yeah I supposed he would not appreciate having a collector's item like that covered in alien shit."

"Well…there _is_ a bright side…at least to me." Sani said with a sly smile.

"Oh and what might that be?" Johnson asked, curious.

"Runi knows what it is like to take it up the ass now," Sani said giggling. "Granted, probably not the way he would have _preferred…_."

Johnson blinked as he caught on to what Sani was referring to: guess even aliens have those …alternate lifestyles. "That…kid…is borderline TMI," He said, holding up his hands. "I have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy…."

Sani just giggled more.


	6. Big Sister

_Author's Note_**:** Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proofreaders.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

**

* * *

**

Sister

Sani sat at the café table, absently stirring what was left of the ice cream he had bought, his head resting on his other hand. The remaining ice cream had turned to its liquid state long ago and was now almost completely warm, however he did not seem to notice. What was on his mind had spoiled what little sweet tooth he had this evening.

At least Runi wasn't here to pester him and for that, he was grateful since it was Runi that was the cause of his current dilemma. Very few knew of the true depth of their relationship, though he was certain the Shipmaster suspected and Johnson probably figured it out after the game board incident thanks to his slip up. It was a relationship he had been in almost since he joined the military, starting as a normal brotherly bond many young male Sangheili formed with each other. The bond between Runi and himself had grown into something else roughly a year afterward, in part due to the stresses of war and the lack of R&R time.

He thought he loved his partner, but now he was not so sure. Ever since the war ended, things had started to change between them. Runi was getting more and more daring in both his 'affections' and finding means to alleviate his boredom. Things Sani was getting uncomfortable about, raising little red flags in his mind. However, since he was the more timid and paranoid of the pair, he wasn't sure if he should risk breaking up with him, fearing how the somewhat unpredictable Sangheili would react.

"Now there is a face I have not seen in years." A familiar voice said, drawing him out of his mood.

"Sis!?" Sani said as he sprang to his feet and looked at his older sister, whom was standing before him with one hand on her hip. "What are you doing here on Cairo?"

"I was on Earth getting some training from the humans," The older female said as the two embraced each other. "A fascinating experience."

"So you learned some new tricks?" Sani asked, his mood immediately brighter: it had been years since he last saw his sister, whom he adored very much and was the only one in the family he could trust with his little secret. While his mother he doubted would react negatively to the news he was bisexual, his father would outright disown him.

"Many," His sister said, a smile on her face. "And new variants to ones that were already discovered by our own people."

"You will have to show me sometime." Sani said.

"Well I will be here for a couple days before I leave for home, so that should not be a problem. Provided that is…you are not going to go off on a mission or something before then."

"Not that I know of Yura," Sani said with a shrug. "We are here on some 'cultural enlightenment' of our own. Well, the Arbiter, Shipmaster and a few others are. Something about going to a…horse ranch?"

"Hmm…I heard about those while I was on the surface," Yura said. "Something about riding the native wildlife that had been tamed. Hope everything goes well."

"I suppose if it does not we will be hearing about it." Sani remembered the 'school visit' incident with the Arbiter and the Spartan. Despite their efforts to keep what happened a secret, Johnson made sure to spread the word. Since Johnson was supposed to be with them this time, he was certain any humorous things that happened would be heard about.

"So how have things been with you, brother?" Yura asked. "I am kind of surprised Runi is not with you, considering what you told me about you two."

Sani grunted and looked away, his mood immediately going southward. Yura caught on quickly. "Come on," She said, gently leading him away from the café. "You look like you want to talk to someone about it."

* * *

Runi, meanwhile, had just arrived on Cairo Station after having been delayed by some duties on the ship. Now he was free to do what he wanted for the next couple of days and Sani was going to be a big part of his plans. That his partner went on ahead without waiting for him annoyed him greatly: surely he could wait a few hours before having his ice cream fix!

At least he knew where he would head first, so the café was the first place he was going to go. However, when he got there he got a bit of a shock. Sani was indeed at the café, but there was a female with him: what was a female Sangheili doing here!? Runi kept his distance as he watched them talk, obviously very comfortable with each other. He noticed that Sani looked a bit disturbed at one point and it was at that point the female led him away.

For a moment, Runi just stood there, trying to make sense of what he just witnessed. He knew Sani could go either way in terms of whom he was attracted to: if he was straight, he knew _he_ would hit on her. However, just the thought of his partner even _thinking_ of cheating on him made his blood start to boil. _I need to verify what they are up to…_. He thought as he headed off in the direction the pair left.

* * *

Yura took him to the small park that was on the station. Sani sat down on one of the benches, Yura sitting down beside him.

"Alright, so talk to me. What is going on?" She asked.

Sani sighed and remained quiet for a moment, not sure how to start. "Things are not going well between Runi and me…," He said finally and proceeded to tell her the things Runi was doing that was making him uncomfortable. The pranks, the attitude toward him and some of the more 'intimate' things he wouldn't dare tell anyone else. "Overall he seems to be getting more…possessive of me," Sani said as he finished. "He's been trying to restrict what I do on my own: you would not believe the look he gave me when I told him I was coming here ahead of him earlier."

"Sounds like a very one-sided relationship," Yura said with a sigh. "I am no expert, but it sounds like he is becoming controlling, borderline abusive. I would not stay in this relationship any longer if I were you Sani, for your own safety."

"I am afraid of how he will react though," Sani admitted. "Plus considering I am assigned to the same room as he is, breaking up with him will be difficult."

Yura shrugged. "Ask your Shipmaster for a room transfer then," She said. "Considering some of the stories you have told me regarding the antics of you two, he would probably be overjoyed at the idea of separating you."

Sani chuckled at that. "Yeah, possibly. Maybe I should see about a transfer to another ship…."

Yura gave him a look. "You are that worried about his reaction?"

"Yes…." He admitted sadly.

"I would rather you stay close to people you know and are comfortable with in case he does try to do something to you Sani," She said. "You would more likely have the support you need if you stay with the _Shadow of Intent_ then you would on a different ship."

"You have a point…but still…."

"Sani…," Yura sighed. "You need to get over your timidness if you are to get ahead in the military _and_ to break away from Runi," She looked at the time." Oh…I am sorry Sani, but I have a meeting to attend. I will talk to you later, alright?"

"Ok Yura." He watched her leave, then sighed in slight depression. _She is right, but how am I to do this?_

"What do you think you are doing?" A familiar voice growled.

"Runi…." Sani gasped as he jumped to his feet to face him.

"Thinking of leaving? Cheating on me?" Runi snarled as the slightly taller male got in his face.

"I…." Sani desperately wanted to say something, anything, but the words were caught in his throat.

"You are mine…," Runi said, running a claw down the side of his neck, causing him to shudder involuntarily. "No one else's."

"I am not your property Runi," Sani said boldly. "I can leave you if I want."

"And who else would take you?" Runi snarled. "There are no others like us on our ship and you know how such relationships are only barely tolerated."

"I am Bi, remember?" Sani said. "I can go either way."

Runi's face darkened. "Oh, I remember and I saw how that little bitch was trying to take you from me…

"Runi, she's…."

"Do not worry…I will take care of her," Runi said not listening to him. "She will not want to talk to you anymore once I am done with her."

"Runi no…wait!" Sani said as his partner turned to leave. Runi suddenly spun around and socked him in the gut, doubling him over and knocking the wind out of him.

"We will have to have a serious _talk_ after I am done." Runi snarled as he left him there, gasping for breath.

* * *

Yura stood in front of a group of women, mostly civilians but there was a number of marines as well. Beside her was the class's usual instructor, whom was listening to her speech with interest. Suddenly the door to the room burst open and a male Sangheili stormed in with an evil intent in his eyes. "You!" He growled as he stomped toward the front of the room. "I need to have a word with you."

The female Sangheili smiled, immediately guessing who this rogue was and why he was after her. "Well class, I usually ask for a volunteer at this point, but it seems this nice young man has volunteered for us." She said, some of the women giggling.

"The only thing anyone volunteered for is you getting into some pain!"

"Try it." Yura said, still smiling. At that, the male lunged.

* * *

Once Sani caught his breath, he began his frantic search for his sister, to warn her about Runi. Problem was, he did not know where her meeting was supposed to be. Fortunately, since she was likely the only female Sangheili on board, it was easy to ask if anyone had seen her and he found out she was to be a guest speaker at one of the meetings that were regularly held on the station. He made a beeline for the room he was told the meeting was taking at, only to find that the meeting had just ended.

About a dozen human women were walking out of the room, all chatting excitedly with impressed looks on their faces. "I have got to try that on my ex next time he tries to get in my face!" He heard one of them say. He wondered if he managed to beat Runi to his sister, but when he entered the room, he found that not to be the case.

Runi had apparently made himself the perfect volunteer for Yura to do her demonstration on for the class. Sani barely recognized him actually, since he was somehow turned into a ball of tangled limbs. He didn't know Runi was that…_flexible_…though he imagined some joints were now dislocated.

"Most impressive," The sole remaining human was saying to Yura, whom looked quite pleased at her handiwork. "If a bit excessive…."

"Well, the turning him into a pretzel thing is completely optional," Yura said with a big smile. "Besides, this particular one had it coming." She pushed the Runi ball with a hoof, prompting a whimper of pain from him.

"Yura…," Sani said as he approached her, blinking in astonishment at what was done to Runi. "You…alright?"

"I am perfectly fine brother," Yura said. "You missed my demonstration however."

"I will just have to catch the next one," Sani said with a sigh before addressing Runi. "I see you met my sister."

"Sister?" Runi's muffled voice said from somewhere in the mass of tangled limbs.

"Yes sister. Yura 'Bavum," Sani said, folding his arms. "She is an instructor at the Women's Self Defense Academy back on Sangheilios and was here to learn some things from the human masters."

"As well as do some demonstrations on the Sangheili techniques for the humans," Yura added with a smile. "I must say you proved to be the perfect volunteer. Want to volunteer again for my next demo?"

"Hell no!" Runi cried. "Sani…sweetie…can you help me out here?"

Sani found himself chuffing in mild disgust. "After what you did to me, I think I will leave you tangled up for a while…." At that, he turned around and walked away, Yura and the human instructor following.

"You cannot leave me like this!" Runi pleaded.

"Good bye Runi," Sani said. "I am sure _someone_ will take you to the infirmary at some point, it just will not be me."

* * *

A/N: I promise the next one won't be a 'beat up on Runi' one, even if he _does_ deserve it. ;)


	7. Horsing Around

_Author's Note_**:** Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proofreaders. Double thanks to Scy for letting me pick her brain on her experise on horses and the like. All breeds of horses mentioned in this short are real horses....

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

**Horsing Around**

"I do not think this is a good idea…," The Arbiter muttered.

"Why not?" Sari asked.

"Because this is a _Johnson_ idea…," He replied with a huff. "Last time I went along with one of his ideas, I ended up being a canvas for a bunch of human kids!"

The pale-skinned female giggled at that. "I would have loved to see that. Kids are so adorable."

"You would not be thinking that way if you went through what I did."

"Well, so long as you are not grumpy like this when we eventually have kids of our own."

"That will be different, I assure you," There was another jolt as the van hit another bump in the road, resulting in the Arbiter's skull meeting the roof. "Confound this inadequately sized interior!" The Arbiter growled, rubbing his head. "Johnson! How much further is it!?"

The dark-skinned human seemed to be enjoying the Arbiter's discomfort a bit too much, going by the grin on his face. "Just a couple more miles Arbiter," Johnson replied.

"I would have rather taken a Phantom there myself," Rtas grumbled from his seat across from them.

"A Phantom would have spooked the horses," Johnson explained. "Which would have started us off on a wrong foot with the staff, or in your guy's case, bad _hoof_."

"Har Har…," The Arbiter grumbled as he scratched his neck.

"Is your skin still itchy hun?" Sari asked.

"A little," He confessed. "Not as bad though since I put that lotion on it. I am not using that shower again that is for sure."

"Don't blame the shower, blame the water," Johnson corrected. "You probably just got a dose of water from the tanks that hadn't been treated properly. It happens from time to time. Granted I didn't realize you had such sensitive skin Arby."

"Shut up."

They arrived at their destination a few minutes later, Johnson keeping any further wisecracks to himself. The moment they stepped out of the vehicle, they were hit with the distinctive _smell_ of the place. "Ahh!" Johnson said as he took it all in. "Nothing like the smell of manure in the morning!"

"I have to admit the smell is not _too_ bad," Rtas commented. "Most Brutes smell worse...."

Johnson took the lead as the small group entered the property. They could see the owners residence, a couple of barns and pair of stables from where they entered. There were several large areas that had rather sturdy looking fences built around their perimeter: in these areas they could see some of the 'horses' Johnson spoke about.

"Some of them do not look like they should be able to stand on those thin legs of theirs…," Rtas commented.

"Appearances can be deceiving," Johnson told him as he led them to one of the stables, where one of the staff greeted them.

"Welcome to _Heritage Ranch_," A tall, slender woman with light colored long hair said. "I am Maria. Good to see you again Avery."

"Ma'am," Johnson said with a polite nod.

"Who are your friends this time?"

"Let's see, the grumpy looking one is the Arbiter; the pale, short one is his mate, Sari, and the one missing half his face is Rtas."

"You have such a way with words Johnson," The Arbiter growled.

"Indeed…," Rtas said with a snort, folding his arms.

Maria chuckled. "A pleasure to meet you all. What are you boys and girl here to learn today?"

"I'd figured just the basics," Johnson said. "I am not sure if they would be able to ride any. Well, maybe Sari could, but the other two…."

"Actually you are wrong there," Maria said with a small smile. "One of their kind has already proven to be quite capable of riding one of our horses and he's bigger then Rtas and the Arbiter here."

"And why do I have the bad feeling that I know who this mystery Sangheili is?" Rtas sighed.

On cue they heard the sound of hoofs clip clopping behind him. The group turned and saw a massive black horse stop before them and a rather tall, dark skinned Sangheili hop down. "Hello Commander," The Sangheili said with a grin. "Good to see you."

"Zeno…," Rtas groaned, covering his face with his hand. "Why are you here?"

"Soaking up allied culture of course, Commander," Zeno replied. "Having a lot of fun too. Especially with Lucky Lady here."

"'Lucky Lady'?"

"The horse," Zeno explained. "She is a Shire, one of the types of draft horses."

"She is beautiful," Sari commented, reaching to stroke the animal's nose, but then stopped herself. "May I?"

"Go right ahead Sari," Maria replied.

"She feels so soft…," Sari said as she petted the horse.

"She's been well groomed and taken care of," Maria said with a smile. "Zeno, would you mind helping me with explaining the safety procedures and demonstrations?"

"Not at all madam," Zeno replied.

The next hour was spent with Maria giving a brief history of the horse, basic anatomy and things to do and not to do around a horse: such as never stand behind one. They also found out that this ranch was dedicated to not only riding lessons and tours, but was a dedicated breeding site aimed at preserving the different breeds of horses. "Are you interested in riding on a trail today?" She asked when she was done.

"Would we not need to know how to ride a horse first?" Rtas asked, looking mildly interested.

"We have horses that are trail trained. Which means they are conditioned to follow each other on a trail with an experienced rider at the front. So no real experience is needed beyond how to stay on, get on and off, and the very basic controls."

"I am interested," Sari said with a smile, Rtas nodding as well.

"I suppose I will join in as well," The Arbiter said.

"Alright. Let us pair you up with your mount then," Maria said.

"Is Bandit still around?" Johnson asked.

"Yes Avery, your favorite Fjord is still available for riding."

"That makes me a happy man, I love that fella."

They watched as Maria went to one of the stalls and brought out a light colored stocky horse with a short mane. Johnson immediately went up to the horse and patted it on the shoulder. "Hey there Bandit, long time see!" The horse nickered in response.

The next horse Marie brought out was a stark black mare with a braided tail and slightly wavy mane. "This is High Step, Sari. She should work for you just fine."

"Oh she is gorgeous!" Sari cooed, accepting the reigns.

"Ladies always love the Friesians," Johnson quipped.

Next up came a gelded chestnut colored Belgian named Sunset Moon, whom was handed off to Rtas. Last came a large Clydesdale stallion named Black Devil. However, before Maria could hand the reigns to the Arbiter, the horse's ears went back and he reared, bellowing a challenge.

"What the?" The Arbiter said, confused as he dived to the side to avoid getting stomped by the horses hooves.

"Devil behave!" Maria chided, smacking the horse on the nose. This did not help however and suddenly the horse broke free and charged the Arbiter, head down, ears still back. With a yelp he turned tail and ran, making for the fence he could see not far behind the end of the building.

Sangheili were fast runners, but a horse turned out to be faster. Just as the Arbiter got to the fence and started to hop over he felt the stallion bite down on his rump. "YEOW!" He cried as he flew over the fence and landed face first in the dirt on the other side. Rubbing his rear, he looked up at Black Devil, whom stood definitely on the other side of the fence with this plain 'and don't come back' look on his face.

"What by the blood of our ancestors just happened?" Rtas asked as he and the others ran up, Maria finally reaccquiring her hold on Black Devil's reigns.

"I just got bitten on the ass by a horse that is what!" The Arbiter growled, glaring at Johnson whom was on the ground laughing.

"Arbiter," Zeno said with a serious expression on his face. "Did you happen to use any lotion on yourself recently?"

"Yes, to combat the bad cause of skin itch I got after showering this morning. Why?"

"Well…I found out the hard way myself Excellency that some ingredient we use in our lotions makes us smell like a rival stallion."

The Arbiter blinked at him a moment. "Wait…you mean to tell me that horse thought I was intruding on his territory?" When Zeno nodded he looked at Maria and asked. "Per chance I can use your shower?"

"Good idea Arbiter," Zeno said. "Before the other stallions get a whiff of you and come looking to get a piece of you as well."

"Why…would they…."

"They can smell you from at least a couple of pastures away Arbiter…and you are currently upwind."

The Arbiter looked out at the field behind him, looking nervous. He could have sworn he could hear the stallions protesting his presence. Maria tied Black Devil to a nearby post and then escorted the bewildered Arbiter to the house, where he gave himself a good scrub down.

"Ok…let us try this again," The Arbiter said when he returned. He approached the still tied up Black Devil carefully, reaching his hand out to the stallion. The stallion sniffed his hand and seemed to be ok with him at first, until the wind shifted again. Black Devil's ears went back again and before the Arbiter could react, the horse head butted him, sending him landing on his rump.

"You did not wash your cloths, did you?" Zeno asked.

"No…," The Arbiter said with a grunt as he got back onto his feet. "Let me guess…the smell is still on my clothing…."

Zeno nodded. "You did not happen to bring any spare clothing with you, did you?"

"No…I did not."

"Well then, you got two choices," Johnson said. The Arbiter did not like the grin on his face. "You can either try to ride him el natural. Or…" The human hefted a sizeable piece of manure. "Smear your clothes with this to cover the scent."

The Arbiter blinked at him. "You have got to be kidding me…."

"Unfortunately, if we still want to do the trail we cannot afford to wait to wash your clothing," Maria pointed out. "Unless you opt to wait for us here."

The Arbiter paced a moment, considering his options. Should he put up with the indignity or stay behind? However the thought occurred to him that if he stayed behind, that smell would still be wafting to the other stallions and he did not particularly want to be alone should they decide to come visit him. "Alright…," He said with a sigh as he pulled off his shirt. "Get it over with…."

"Just make sure you do not use manure that came from a female in heat," Zeno pointed out.

"Oh that's right…," Johnson said as he happily started smearing the Arbiter's clothing with manure. "We don't want Black Devil here to think he's a girl in heat and try to mate with him."

"Thank you Johnson…that is one mental image I did not want in my head…," The Arbiter groaned.

"Nor did I…," Rtas said, shaking his head.

After his clothing was thoroughly coated with manure, Black Devil finally accepted the Arbiter. There were additional problems, getting comfortable in the saddles and getting their hooves in the stirrups once aboard their horses, but those were resolved quickly. Then at last they went on the trail.

At one point, something spooked Black Devil, which resulted in the Arbiter getting bucked off and adding another bruise to his backside. Rtas kept getting distracted by the scenery and getting hit in the face with low hanging foliage. Overall though, the ride itself was rather pleasant. The aftermath the Arbiter did not care for, however.

Partly out of pride, the Arbiter wanted his cloths cleaned off before even stepping foot back in the van. The staff of the ranch obligated by spraying him with a hose and the water was _not_ warm. Then the cold, still dripping Arbiter caught wind of Johnson remarking how he was going to tell his buddies about this adventure. Well, he wasn't about to let _that_ happen!

"You know that is rather cruel of you hun," Sari said a half hour into the ride back to town, which was as bumpy as it was on the way in.

"I am just covering all bases that is all," The Arbiter said with a grunt, folding his arms and still shivering slightly.

"Still…"

"Sari…I want to be sure _no one else_ finds out what happened today."

"But how does tying Johnson to the back of the vehicle help prevent that?"

"Arbiter!" The voice of Johnson said from the back. "This isn't funny! I'm getting rope burns and nausea! Stop the van and let me back in! Please!"

"Not until you promise not to utter a word Johnson!" The Arbiter responded. "You got…oh…two more hours of bumpy road to do so!"

"I think I see how now…," Sari muttered. "Still cruel though…"

"He owes me for the other crap he put me through, so this is nothing…."

* * *

A/N: Hopefully, luck and fate willing, I can post _two_ chaps of 'Chains of the Past' soon, to make up for the delays I've been having....

* * *


	8. Valentine's Day HiJinxs

_Author's Note_**:** A very belated Valentine's Day special. Enjoy!

Thanks to Kalshion and SilentStrike'Scy' for being my proofreaders.

_**Disclaimer**_**:** I own nothing in the Halo universe, which is the property of Bungie Studios. However, any non-Halo species (and characters made from them) belong to me.

**

* * *

**

**Valentine's Day Hi-jinx**

"So…what exactly are we doing?" Master Chief said as he followed Johnson while carrying a large box.

"Valentine's Day is tomorrow," Johnson said.

"Yeah…so?"

"Sooo…everyone is gearing up for it. Everyone that is…but this guy." The human Ambassador was referring to Zeno 'Ribal, an Elite SpecOps that had spent the majority of his time with the humans since the end of the war. Said Elite usually was right in the thick of human holidays, soaking it all up, every holiday that is, save Valentine's Day.

On that day, along with the days leading up to it, the usually cheerful and mischievous Elite turned into something of a Scrooge. He would tear down decorations with fervor and play cruel jokes on oblivious couples. It had gotten so bad that festivities for the holiday were toned down a bit, or at the very least not so obvious. Plus, those celebrating the day had quickly learned to avoid the Elite when he was roaming the station during those days.

Johnson didn't know why Zeno hated the holiday so much, but he himself was sick of Zeno ruining it for others. This time he intended to do something about it, in his own special way. "This is a bad idea…," Cortana said from the Spartan's armor, "Shouldn't you at least find out _why_ he hates it so much first?"

"Miss…something tells me that Elite is not about to tell us why it's such a sore point," Johnson retorted as they reached Zeno's quarters. "Is he in there?"

After a brief moment Cortana replied, "No, it's clear. Should I point out this is technically misuse of UNSC property?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's for the greater good. Now unlock the door already." With a sigh, Cortana did as ordered and the door to Zeno's quarters opened with a faint hiss.

The Elite's room was in a state of disarray, the bed unmade and various clothing articles thrown about. It was likely a reflection of Zeno's current state of mind, rather then how he usually kept his room. "Man…look at the size of these tighty whities," Johnson said, lifting up a pair, "I wonder if he has to special order these," he looked inside, "Yep…they get skid marks too."

"That's going on my list of 'Things I didn't want to know'." Cortana mumbled.

"Sir, with all due respect," Master Chief piped up, "Shouldn't we get this over with?"

"Right, right," Johnson dropped the pair of Elite underwear and gestured for Chief to put the box on the bed. The Sergeant Major then opened the box to reveal hordes of Valentine's Day decorations. "Time to get to work."

In short order, they had 'pinkified' Zeno's room and Johnson stood back to look at their work, wondering if there was anything more he could do. Then his eyes laid upon the SpecOps armor that was set neatly upon a rack. "Ooooo…," Johnson's eyes lit up as a new idea came to mind, "Chief, help me with this," he said as he started to take the armor pieces down and put them into the now empty box.

"I don't know about this…." Master Chief said as he helped Johnson with the larger and heavier pieces.

"This is a _really_ bad idea…," Cortana protested, "I must protest this!"

"Oh lighten up Cortana," Johnson said as the last armor piece was put in the box and Master Chief lifted it up. "Come Chief! It's time to find some paint!"

"I am going to reserve a room for you at the infirmary…as I just _know _how this is going to end…."

* * *

Zeno entered his quarters after a long day, wanting nothing more then to just crash for the night. Valentine's Day was tomorrow and he wondered if he should just stay in his room the whole day. He hated that holiday, hated what it represented and how everyone seemed to rub it in his face. Sure, the 'rubbing it in' aspect had decreased greatly since he had made it quite clear how he felt about it, but the day still existed and there was Johnson, whom seemed to enjoy rubbing it in. It would probably help to let them know _why_ he hated the day so much, but Zeno felt it was none of their freaking business. The pain, the memories the day brought up was still too much for him.

He didn't get far into his quarters when he realized something just wasn't right. A quick look around confirmed it: his private abode had been assaulted with Valentine's Day decorations. With a roar he proceeded to rip off the offending hearts and other pink paraphernalia and it was only after he was done that he realized something else was wrong.

_Where is my armor…,_ he thought as he searched the room frantically, _It was on the rack when I left…._

Zeno searched and searched but to no avail, leading him to the conclusion that it had been taken. He had a good guess as to who might have done such a thing and he stormed out of his quarters to search for said person. After all, the only human on this whole station who would dare do such a thing was Johnson….

* * *

"Ok…just _why_ are you having me stick around again?" Master Chief said as Johnson finished putting a layer of paint on the last piece of Zeno's armor.

"Come on Chief, don't you want to see his reaction?" Johnson said cheerfully.

"Ok…so I am a bodyguard."

"You know Chief, Johnson probably deserves whatever is coming to him for this. It would be no sweat off my back if you just walked away right now. In fact, I would recommend it," Cortana said with an exasperated sigh.

"Since when do AI's sweat?" Johnson quipped.

"_Highly_ recommend it. Must I remind you that you will be dealing with a nine foot tall SpecOps Elite that is currently in a rather foul mood?"

"Johnson!" The voice of a familiar Elite boomed.

"Oh, hello Zeno," Johnson said, beaming as he stood up to both great him and hide the newly painted armor. "Lovely day isn't it?"

"Lovely day my ass," Zeno hissed, towering over the human, "I saw what you did to my quarters."

"Oh? What'd you think?"

"What the hell do you think I felt about it? I ripped it all to pieces!"

"Awww…well I do hope you intend to pay me back for the cost of all that."

"Like hell I am! Now where is my armor!?"

"Armor?"

"Do not give me that innocent look Johnson! I know you took it!"

"Oh you mean _this_ armor," Johnson sidestepped to reveal the pinkified SpecOps armor. Zeno's eyes went wide and his mandibles gaped in shock. "I thought you should try wearing pink for awhile, ya know? They say it helps lighten people's mood."

"Um…Johnson…," Master Chief said, quickly noticing Zeno's expression turning from shock to something far more dangerous. One of the Elite's eyes was beginning to twitch, along with a mandible. His hands were slowly clenching into fists and his face was turning a very dark purple.

"I _told_ you it was a bad idea!" Cortana yelled as it finally dawned on Johnson that he was in big trouble.

"Er…time to earn your keep Chief!" Johnson said as he promptly bolted, Zeno hot on his heels. At least initially as Chief just managed to wrap his arms around the Elite's waist. Problem is, that didn't stop the enraged Elite, whom was somehow managing to drag him along, MJOLNIR armor and all. That, and he really wasn't liking how close his head was to the Elite's ass.

"Hmm…I am learning all sorts of new Elite curse words here," Cortana said, somewhat amused.

"Glad you are having fun…how about calling for back up before I lose my grip on him?" Chief said.

"It's against my better judgment but alright…."

It turned out back up wasn't needed. Dragging over a ton worth of Master Chief took its toll on Zeno, pissed off or not. After a few more moments he just collapsed, exhausted, and all Chief had to do was stay with him until Rtas showed up.

The Shipmaster shook his head and helped Zeno to his feet before escorting him back to his quarters. Once that was done, he returned to find out what the story was: he groaned when he found out. "That Johnson really did it this time," he said, "He has his armor the way it is to honor those that fell to the Brutes during the Great Schism, including someone that was very dear to him."

"Wonderful…I just knew it had to be something like this to be the reason he hates this holiday so much," Cortana grumbled.

"So what now?" Chief asked.

"I suggest we keep Zeno in his room for a while, until he cools off," Rtas suggested, "In the mean time, I think I have an appropriate punishment for Johnson I am going to suggest to his superiors…."

_

* * *

_

A week later

Johnson sighed as yet another Elite dropped off a set of armor to be polished. "This is endless…," he grumbled as he looked at the five other sets he hadn't done yet. It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't such huge suckers. "How much longer do I have to do this?"

Nearby, Zeno was watching him while reclined on a bench. The Elite was back to his usual cheerful self and seemed to be enjoying the human's torment. "One more week Johnson," Zeno said happily as he nibbled on a popsicle.

"I don't think my arms will last that long…."

"Less talking, more polishing."

"I am starting to wish I just let you kill me instead…."

"Aww…but what would I do without you?"

"Shuddup…."


	9. Tootsie Pop

_Authors Note: _I had this one sitting on my desktop half complete for weeks, finally finished it today. Thanks to SilentStrike'Scy for proofing this and also I'd like to thank all those that have read and reviewed my works in the past. I may not always respond to you, but I do appreciate your reviews all the same!

_**Disclaimer**_: Halo and the characters (MC, Johnson, The Arbiter, etc), creatures (Sangheili, Spartans, etc) within belong to Bungie Studios. However, Original Characters (Zeno, Sani, Runi, etc) and species/creatures (Lipors), belong to me.

**

* * *

**

**Tootsie Pop**

Johnson looked in the mirror one last time before heading out, making sure everything was perfect. His hair was within regulations, his dress uniform was pressed and clean, medals polished and on straight: he was good to go. There was an important meeting today with High Command with a few important members from the Elite government in attendance: Elites he actually _respected_.

He had no qualms with the Arbiter or Shipmaster Rtas 'Vadum, but the current Elite Ambassador seemed to have a knack for driving him up the wall any time he is in the same room as he is. Sure, Zeno 'Ribal was good at what he does: Johnson did actually respect his skills in both combat and intelligence gathering. However what ruins any chance of respect for him on a _personal_ level was a few things: for one, the Elite had a bad habit of causing mischief whenever he was bored and sometimes even when he was in the middle of official duties as well. That and he's gay: Johnson could never get comfortable around homosexuals, even among his own people. They just…give him the creeps.

The human ambassador shook his head and pushed thoughts of 'Zeno' out of his mind: he was in too good a mood to ruin it thinking about him and his antics. So after a final check over his uniform, he left his quarters and started heading for the conference room. _Think I'll take a short cut through the recreation center._ He thought as he walked down the hall. It wasn't so much that he was in a hurry but thought he would get a little face time with any troops that were there before the meeting.

When he entered the recreation center he quickly noticed something was amiss. All over the tables were these weird, multicolored objects: there was even some on the walls, put into some sort of odd pattern. Upon closer inspection he recognized what made up the objects: a type of old school hard candy that was set on a small stick, a tootsie pop if he remembered correctly. The candy looked to be in various stages of consummation and put into an array of various shapes. On one table they were arranged into a partly complete ball. Another table had what looked like a tootsie pop fence, complete with a little house in the middle. Yet another table was home to some weird looking…sculpture, if you could call it that.

_Someone has way too much ti me on their hands…_ Johnson thought, his eyes wide at the scene. _Who would…_

"At last!" A familiar voice shouted. Johnson, now having a bad feeling, turned around and groaned when he realized his feeling was quite right.

It was none other then Zeno himself, looking quite happy and pleased with himself. The nearly nine-foot tall Elite spotted him and ran up to him. "I solved a mystery that has been plaguing your species for centuries!" He proclaimed proudly.

"What…mystery….?" Johnson asked hesitantly.

"How many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop," Zeno said proudly, waving the almost bare sucker stick in front of his face, "182 licks!"

"Then…what…." Johnson looked around purposely at all the tootsie pop 'sculptures' all over the rec room.

"Ooooh, those are my 'failures'."

"Failures…"

"When I lost count," Zeno replied honestly, "I did not want to just eat them, as I wanted to try out that lobster curry Captain Smith was making for a bunch of troops for dinner and I didnE2t want to just throw them away either. So…I decided to do something constructive with them!" He threw his arms wide over his work. "I got quite a few positive comments from your fellow humans already: they did not think my people could be so artistic!"

Johnson couldn't think of anything to say, he just stood there aghast, mouth hanging slightly open. "I do have a small problem though…" Zeno admitted, finally.

"Oh, you finally realize the maintenance guys are going to kill you for putting these sticky, alien spit coated things all over the place?"

"Noooo. I have so many left over!" Zeno pulled out what had to be the largest bag of suckers he had ever seen: where he found it, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. "Hmm….maybe I should try building a replica of one of your monuments on Earth? Like the Eiffel Tower? Oh I know! The Statue of Liberty!"

"How about…just holding on to those things until next Halloween or something instead…."

"Aw come on Johnson, do not be such a spoil sport." Zeno then reached down and rubbed his hand in his neatly combed hair. Johnson wasn't sure what pissed him off more: that Zeno rubbed his head like an adult would do to a child, or the fact that due to having handled so many tootsie pops, his hand was extremely sticky and now _stuck_ in his hair.

"Ut oh…," the Elite Ambassador started tugging and pulling, trying to free his hand from his hair, only resulting in pulling the human Ambassador around. "Um…" Finally Zeno put his hand on Johnson's shoulder to brace him and just yanked hard.

Johnson screamed in pain as not only did the Elite free his hand, but took what felt like half his hair out of his scalp. "Dammit Zeno! Do you know how hard it is to get my hair to cooperate and get it to look just right!?" Johnson growled as he rubbed his head: great, now his hands were sticky too.

"Ewww…gross…I got human hair on my hand." Zeno whined as he stared at the few dozen black hair strands on his palm. The Elite then finally removed his hand from his shoulder, however Johnson quickly noticed that not only did Zeno leave sticky residue on his freshly dry-cleaned and pressed dress whites, but somehow managed to remove over half the medals on his breast in the process.

"Um…are these yours?" Zeno asked sheepishly as he pulled the medals off his hand, "You can have the hair back too…you look like you kind of need it."

Now Johnson was no longer disgusted or annoyed: he was getting pissed. "How do you do it…you overgrown, split jawed lizard!?" he growled, "every single time I have a meeting coming up, you somehow manage to screw up my uniform!"

Zeno didn't seem phased one bit. "Come on Johnson, I know you have more then one set of dress whites."

"I don't _have_ another set of dress whites now!"

"Oh yes…that is right. I had dyed those pink didn't I?" Zeno grinned. "A shame you burned them…you looked good in pink…."

He couldn't take it anymore. Johnson grabbed the bag of tootsie pops and started wailing at the Elite with it. Zeno quickly got the hint. "Exit. Stage left!" The Elite yelled as he bolted. Yet he was laughing, which only pissed Johns on off even more….

* * *

The Arbiter, Rtas and Lord Hood were walking down one of the hallways, having a causal discussion while on the way to the conference room. Their discussion was interrupted when Zeno came running down the hall from the opposite direction. Hot on his heels was Johnson, swinging a large bag of what looked like suckers. Every time he managed to hit Zeno with it, some of them would go flying due to a hole that was now in the bag.

"Trick or Treat! Merry Christmas! Whoop woo woo woo woo!" Zeno cried as he passed them. Johnson got a smack in right then, resulting in a shower of tootsie pops all over them.

The trio just watched them wide eyed and jaws open for a moment. "Are you sure Zeno was a good choice to be our Ambassador?" The Arbiter asked Rtas once the shock wore off, "And do we even want to know just how _this_ came all about?"

"To your first question Arbiter: not any more," Rtas replied, looking down the hallway the two disappeared down, "As for your second: I think for the sake of our sanity we best not even _try_ to find out…."

"Oooh! Orange! My favorite!" Lord Hood said suddenly as he picked up one of the tootsie pops, unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. The leader of the human military then happily walked away, humming to himself, leaving the two Sangheili blinking in shock once again.

"I recant my first question…." The Arbiter muttered.

* * *

_Author's Note:_ FYI…the number I used, '182', was completely pulled out of my rear. Yeah…Zeno can be completely loopy and random at times….


	10. Strip Poker

_Authors Note: _This has to be, to date, my longest 'short'. Thanks to WarlordFil for the initial beta and SilentStrike'Scy and Kalshion for proofing reading.

_**Disclaimer**_: Halo and the characters (MC, Johnson, The Arbiter, Etc), creatures (Sangheili, Spartans, etc) with in belong to Bungie Studios. However, Original Characters (Zeno, Sani, Runi, etc) and species/creatures (Lipors), belong to me.

**

* * *

**

**Strip Poker**

Sani paced around in the atrium of Cairo Station, his mind tormented by what was coming up tonight. Runi had _invited_ him to join a game of cards with a couple other Sangheili, invited as in told him he was going that is. Problem was, is that Sani wanted nothing more to do with Runi, not after recognizing just how controlling and manipulative the fellow minor domo had become.

_Why could we not just stay friends?_ He thought. _Rather than get intimately involved?_ Sani knew now that he should have told him to cut off his advances from the start, had his foresight been 20/20 as they say. However, both of them had been under stress from the war with Brutes and even the mightiest and bravest warriors need some form of relief: they got _their_ relief from bedding with each other. Truth be told, Sani never really felt anything for Runi beyond friendship. Yes, Runi was fairly attractive as male Sangheili go, but it was Runi's personally that always turned him off from something deeper.

He had always been a bit possessive, clingy even, though in Sani's hearts he could not blame him for being that way. Runi was basically exiled from his own Keep, lost his metal smith apprenticeship just prior to that: both as a result of some accident that happened, of which Runi got blamed for. The specifics Sani didn't know, as he felt it wasn't his business to pry. He did though feel pity for him, initially at least, as Runi had loved being a metal smith and now that dream was forever barred from him.

Whatever pity Sani felt for his former partner was non-existent now, due to his antics and attitude toward him. It was bad enough that Sani didn't actually love him, but considering Runi viewed him as his property to use however he pleased, it was just too much. Sani finally decided, with some urging from his sister Yura, to call it quits and leave him. It was proving to be easier said then done though.

Runi seemed incapable of taking the hint and continued to hound him, tracking him down where ever he was. They got into frequent arguments now, arguments where Runi would play the pity or guilt trip card on him, convincing him to come back or to stay. Then there was Sani's own weakness: over the cycles of having been bedmates, Sani had grown too used to having a warm body next to him at night. On the nights he was alone, he would toss and turn, unable to sleep most of the night, resulting in him being a wreck the next morning. It was a weakness he has yet to conquer, one that needed to be conquered if he was ever to break away from Runi completely.

"Ok…where is your partner in crime?" A familiar voice said behind him, startling him slightly and breaking his line of thought. "So I can get a head start on damage control."

Sani turned to see Ambassador Avery Johnson: the dark skinned human had his arms folded across his chest and was tapping his foot. The 'partner in crime' bit annoyed him, as it was just another reason Sani desperately wanted to be rid of Runi. It was always Runi that thought up and goaded Sani into assisting him with pranks and other things that usually got them both into trouble. "You have apparently not heard that Runi and I are not on good terms as of late." Sani said, a slight growl in his voice.

"I _have_ been hearing conflicting things about you two as of late," Johnson admitted, relaxing his stance a bit. "Runi says you two are still on the hook, while witnesses say you two have been getting into nasty arguments."

"Figures he would say something like that…," Sani said with a snort. "He just does not want to let me go."

"So you two _are_ on the rocks then. Can't say I'm sorry, considering the headaches you two caused."

"Headaches _Runi_ caused you mean. I was an unwilling accomplice…."

"Uh huh…so Runi is off on his own somewhere likely plotting some scheme right now then."

"Most likely seeing how many Sangheili he can convince to join him for the card game tonight."

"Sounds benign enough…"

"It is _strip_ poker Ambassador."

Johnson nearly choked on his cigar. "Ok…My head just filled with imagines I really did not want to see. Still...I don't see what is so bad about that. I used to play that game with a bunch of fellas and ladies when I was younger. Granted…considering how you two are…nevermind…just keep the door to the room closed so you spare the eyes of any humans walking by…."

Sani actually chuckled at that, remembering how Johnson was _slightly_ homophobic. His mood quickly soured again however. "It is bad because Runi no doubt intends to use the game to either embarrass me or to attempt to make me jealous, both with the intentions of ensuring I stay with him."

"Well nothing says you have to go to the game kid."

"Then he will just call me out as a coward and you know how well _that_ flies with our culture."

"Ah yes…the whole honor thing you guys are into," Something seemed to light up in Johnson's eyes just then. "Say…what's the likely hood of him cheating at this game?"

"Runi? Quite high…considering what motives he likely has."

The human ambassador pondered for a moment. "I have an idea," Johnson said. "Go to the game anyway."

"What?"

"Don't worry, the game will be crashed."

"You are going to crash it?"

"Hell no! I have no desire to see any alien ding dongs!"

"Actually our genitalia are completely internal until we need to use them."

Johnson blinked at him. "That's TMI. Anyway, no _I_ am not the one going, but I know one of you guys that I imagine would love to do this. He's good at the game too. Gods know he kicked my ass at poker enough times," Sani heard him add with a mutter. "Besides, he'd probably fit right in with you…people."

"Who is he?" Sani asked, curious, ignoring Johnson's near insult.

"Sorry kid, keeping that to myself. You'll know him when you see him."

The Ambassador turned and walked away then, humming some tune and obviously pleased with himself. Sani pondered at the identity of the one Johnson was going to send in to 'help' him. Obviously it had to be a Sangheili, going by Johnson's own words, but what Sangheili would be knowledgeable enough in human games to counter Runi likely cheating? He was at a loss.

Shaking his head, Sani left the atrium himself, to prepare himself mentally for the game.

* * *

_Later, in the recreation room._

"I see you opted not to run away," Runi said with a grin as Sani entered the room.

"I am no coward Runi," Sani said with a faint snarl as he took a look to see how many victims Runi managed to round up for the game. To his surprise there were only two other Sangheili in the room sitting at the table Runi had allocated for the game. One was their old friend Major Domo Tegs 'Vatem, whom was likely here on shore leave from the _Guided Light_, the other Sangheili ship currently in orbit around Earth. The other was a Zealot he didn't recognize, probably from the same ship Tegs was from: he looked like he was starting to have second thoughts about this game. "Tegs, it has been a while. How have you been?"

"I have been well Sani. Though I must admit things have not been as _exciting_ since my transfer," Tegs replied.

"Maybe not as exciting…but certainly more _sane_ I imagine."

The major domo chuckled at that. "That is for certain. How have you been holding up?"

"He has been just fine, thank you," Runi interrupted before Sani could reply.

"I am capable of answering questions on my own Runi," Sani growled at him.

"Of course, but I just wanted to be sure Tegs got an _accurate_ response."

"And you are being the truthful one?" Sani growled. "Please!"

"Now now, this is not the time or place for petty arguments dear." Runi chided him as he started shuffling the deck.

Sani fumed but did not retort. The last thing he wanted to do was get into a heated argument, and likely a minor brawl, in front of a superior officer. Gods knew Shipmaster Rtas was getting quite fed up with their little quarrels as of late. It wasn't for Runi's sake he dropped the issue anyway, but rather the shipmaster's reputation: it had been tarnished enough by Runi as is.

_Where is the guy Johnson said would come?_ Sani thought, turning this thoughts to other things. It was doubtful that it was the Zealot: he didn't seem too uncomfortable with the idea of playing a card game with lesser Sangheili. And he knew it couldn't be Tegs, since Johnson seemed to imply that it was someone he _didn't_ know. _Did he fail to convince him to come?_

"Sorry I am late," A cheerful voice suddenly announced just as Runi started to deal the cards.

Everyone at the table looked toward the newcomer. Approaching the table was a Sangheili in causal clothing. Sani felt his breath catch in his throat: this man was _handsome_. He was very tall, taller then even Runi, with dark chocolate skin. On his throat he could see a hint of a dark orange and he guessed this color continued down his front. His eyes were also this dark orange color, though his whites were an even darker hue, making his irises stand out like a pair of flames. The Sangheili's attire of choice was a simple pair of denim pantaloons, a long sleeved grey shirt and an open brown vest.

Sani wondered why he wore so little to a game like this, but then again, if he was as good as Johnson said he was, he'd probably have no problem keeping his clothes on. A part of him felt saddened at that thought however. Unbidden, Sani started wondering what he looked like _without _clothing. This man was clearly well built and from what he could see of him already, had an easygoing attitude. "Who the fuck are you?" Runi growled, snapping Sani out of his thoughts. His sudden outburst making it evident that Runi was not expecting someone to butt in on his game and was clearly irritated by it.

"A party crasher, obviously," The man said with a smile as he plopped down in the first available seat: right next to Sani. Sani felt his hearts start hammering excitedly and he had to resist the temptation to reach over and touch him. "So start dealing."

"You are not adequately dressed for this game."

"What do you mean 'not adequately dressed'?" The zealot asked, looking a bit alarmed.

"Oh dear oh dear…you mean you did not tell everyone the object of the game?" The newcomer chided. Before Runi could say anything he continued. "This is strip poker folks, where the object of the game is to be the last one with any articles of clothing on. Or as in your case…armor."

The zealot blinked in shock, then snarled at Runi, whom cowered slightly. "I will not be a part of such a _degrading_ game." He hissed as he rose from his chair.

"Please stay sir!" Runi pleaded, his tone changing completely. "It is not that bad…honest! Besides…is it not rather odd that you take this…rankless…Sangheili at his word?"

"Rankless, he is _far_ from being rankless!" The zealot retorted. "And I trust _his_ word far more then a minor domos!" Without further word, the zealot left.

_Ouch._ Sani thought, wincing slightly. This guy had to be someone of importance for a zealot to commend so highly like that. Yet, looking at his face, no bells were ringing as to his identity.

"Damn…he had a nice ass too…," Runi pouted, to which Sani just rolled his eyes.

"Looks like you are short a player now," The newcomer said, then arched his neck in Tegs' direction. "Or will it be by two players?"

"I knew he was up to something," Tegs said with a heavy sigh. "I am going to stick this out…for a while anyway.

"Brave man…."

"No…just used to his antics."

"Fair enough."

"Just who are you…if you can convince a Zealot to leave so easily?" Runi asked as he reshuffled the deck. Sani noticed he was looking the guy over.

"Who I am is not important right now," The man replied with a smile.

"A tall dark mysterious type then. Very well, you seem hot enough to join in," Runi said quietly, if not slightly seductively.

"I am flattered," Sani thought he detected a hint of sarcasm in the man's voice. "Are you going to deal or not?"

"Keep your pants on, I am making sure the deck is well shuffled."

_I would rather see him _without_ pants actually…_ Sani thought as Runi finally dealt the first hand. _Dear gods! What am I thinking!?_ It took all his effort not to blush in embarrassment at his own thoughts. In an effort to get his mind out of the gutter, he forced himself to look at his own cards.

"You know…," Sani heard Runi say. "We really need something to call you by during the game. It would be impolite to just say 'hey you' after all. So…how about 'Hoty'?" The man simply shrugged in indifference. "Alright, Hoty it is then."

It didn't take long for Sani to realize that he really should have studied the rules of poker before coming. While he knew a little bit about the game, it wasn't enough to ensure he didn't fail miserably at it. That and he was having a lot of trouble getting his mind into the game, said mind kept wanting to go on fantasy trips with 'Hoty'. Never before has another Sangheili, male or female, made him feel this way and it was quite the experience.

"You have nothing good in that hand," A voice suddenly broke into his thoughts. Glancing to the side he saw 'Hoty' looking at him, with a kind smile on his face. "Best you fold."

_He does not even know me…and he is…giving me advice…_ Sani thought, his hearts pounding even harder in his chest now. It didn't even bother him that this man had peeked at his cards and the thought that he could be trying to screw him over didn't even cross his mind. In thanks, he simply nodded.

Runi won the first hand and he selected Tegs to remove a piece of armor. Tegs won the next hand and he retaliated by targeting Runi. "Tegs! I did not know you thought of me that way!" Runi said with a sly grin, to which Tegs just growled. When Tegs won the next hand and again targeted Runi, Runi's comment was: "Are you sure you are straight?"

'Hoty' won the next hand and he selected Sani. Sani could not keep the blush off his face as he removed his helmet. A blush Runi did notice and from the glare he was giving him, he did not approve of it. Sani chose to ignore it.

The next few hands were won by Runi, whom again targeted Tegs. Tegs now only had his leg armor and his bodysuit left. "Tegs! You did not tell me you had such a hot body underneath all that armor!" Runi said with a big grin. "You have been holding out on me you sexy hunk you."

His face quite purple, Tegs tried his best to hide behind his cards. Tegs won the next hand, but instead of retaliating against Runi again he chose 'Hoty', whom calmly removed his vest and made a show of folding it neatly before setting it on the floor beside him. 'Hoty' won the next couple of hands, and he selected Runi for one and Sani another as his victims.

Then finally, Sani managed to get a good hand, a straight flush, and won that round. Now he was torn. Whom to pick? Runi was right out as he knew that's what Runi wanted. That left Tegs and 'Hoty'. Tegs seemed to be suffering enough from Runi's _attention_, so he decided to chose 'Hoty'. Besides, he _really_ wanted to see what 'Hoty' looked like without a shirt on. "Um…your shirt…," he said timidly.

'Hoty' simply smiled and complied, revealing not only a well toned chest but something else as well. This man had a tattoo! It resembled a flame, starting from his left breast, up his shoulder and down his left arm, stopping at his wrist. "Shit…I know who you are now…," Tegs breathed.

"I am just a normal Sangheili playing a friendly game of strip poker," 'Hoty' said calmly, though Sani caught what he believed to be a wink in Tegs' direction. "Shall we continue?"

And they did, though Sani was having a _really_ hard time concentrating on the game now. Who was this guy? How come everyone seemed to know who he was except himself and Runi? On top of that, his scent was tantalizing, making him think naughty things. His distracted thoughts caused him to lose the next few hands miserably and a few armor pieces along with it thanks to 'Hoty'.

"You alright?" 'Hoty' asked him at one point. By now, Tegs was down to almost just his bodysuit thanks to Runi, while Runi was down to his leg armor thanks to 'Hoty': no one had touched 'Hoty' since Sani had.

"I…I am fine…," Sani replied, unable to keep himself from blushing. "I…I am just a little…distracted…"

"For your sake it better be because of _my_ body and not someone else's," Runi growled.

"I do not see any bonding jewelry on either of you, so I'd say he can look if he wants," 'Hoty' spoke up suddenly. "Besides…looking cannot exactly be helped during _strip _poker."

"Shut up you flame bellied, tattooed freak!"

"Is that the best you can do? How pathetic. _And_ you cannot even play an honest game either."

"What?"

'Hoty' took one of his own cards and held it up. "I can tell you have been cheating, using sticky putty to hide your illicit cards on the underside of the table. The problem with sticky putty is that it leaves residue on the cards and this one is even starting to get a stain…when it did not have one at the start of the game."

"You are lying…"

"Oh?" There was a couple of sharp thuds as he kicked the table. Sani felt something hit his foot and when he looked under the table he saw a couple of cards on the floor. Looking up, he saw two more cards still stuck to the underside of the table.

"You have been cheating…," Sani said as he sat back up.

"I knew it!" Tegs hissed, throwing down his cards.

Runi opened his mandibles, then shut them again, unable to say anything to defend himself. "So…," 'Hoty' said as he gathered up the cards. "I think it is best for the game if I am the dealer from this point on," he looked at Sani. "Can you get the cards he has under the table for me please?"

Sani flushed, but nodded. He got up and knelt down on his knees to pick up the cards, his mind wondering if 'Hoty' liked how his ass looked. When getting back up, he wasn't sure if his hoof slipped, got caught on a chair leg or what, just that the next thing he knew was that he was in 'Hoty's' lap. "I…I am so sorry…," he said as he struggled to right himself, knowing his face had to be completely purple.

"It is quite alright. It happens," 'Hoty' said, Sani feeling his hands gently assist him in righting himself. Dear gods, his touch was so soft and warm. Partly way up he looked at his face and made eye contact with him. A strange, wonderful feeling hit him: going by the faint widening of the man's eyes, Sani could tell he felt it too.

"_SANI!_" Suddenly the connection was broken as a rough pair of hands suddenly grabbed him and threw him off. Sani stumbled, then fell over backwards. The wind knocked out of him from the impact, he could only stare up at Runi, whom was loaming over him with an expression of simple rage. "How dare you pull such a stunt like that!"

"I…," Sani tried to explain, but the words just wouldn't come out. He had never seen Runi so angry at him before and what ever fight he had in him was replaced by simple fear.

"Runi!" He heard Tegs say. "Back off! It was an accident!"

"Accident my ass!" Runi snapped back. "I saw the way he looked at him!" Something seemed to dawn on him then. "Unless…yes…you…," he pointed at 'Hoty'. "Now I know why you crashed this game…you are after my mate!"

"I am not your mate!" Sani snapped, getting up to his feet. "I told you it was over!"

"No…it is _not_ over! Not unless _I_ say so!" Runi growled, turning back toward him.

A strong hand suddenly grabbed Runi by the back of the neck, right at a pressure point. Runi's eyes went wide and he froze in place, unable to move. Whether that was due to pain or something else, Sani couldn't tell: he didn't exactly pay much attention during pressure point lessons. What he could tell though was that it was 'Hoty' that had grabbed him and the look in his eyes had a fire in them that wasn't there before.

"He is not someone's pet whom's ownership can be just traded off or sold at the owners whim." He said softly, though his tone was dripping with venom. "He is a Sangheili, like you and me. If he says it is over, it is over: you can have no say in that."

"You do not know anything about us," Runi managed, his voice strained.

"I know enough to see that you need a lesson in humility," 'Hoty' adjusted his grip and applied more pressure. The result was Runi immediately going limp and 'Hoty' draped him over the table. "Tegs, help me with his bodysuit please."

"Sir…," Tegs said hesitantly. "I…I…"

"I will do it," Sani said, feeling the urge to get Runi back for so many things. In short order he had Runi's bodysuit loosened and started to pull it down.

"That is far enough," 'Hoty' said when Sani had gotten it down to past his buttocks.

"Sir…you do not intend to…rape him…do you?" Tegs asked, concern in his tone.

"Rape? Oh no…I am not like that. Besides he is not my type at all." 'Hoty' reached into one of his pockets and pulled out an object. It only took a second for both Sani and Tegs to recognize it: a decommissioned WWII hand grenade. Before either of them could say anything he put a finger to his mandibles for silence and gave them a wink. He then pulled the pin and shoved it up Runi's anal cavity. Runi whom had just started to get control over his body again, yelped in shock and a bit of pain. 'Hoty' then leaned in close to him and said. "You have a live grenade up your ass…and the only thing keeping you from having your ass blown off is how well you can keep your butt cheeks tense."

"You are bluffing…," Runi said, his eyes wide.

"Oh?" 'Hoty' daggled the pin in front of his face. When he saw it, Runi went quite pale. "If I were you…I'd hoof it to the nearest ER or EOD office to have it taken care of."

Runi needed no further prompting. The moment he had full control of his limbs he flew off the table and sprinted out of the recreation room, screaming. Sani and Tegs just watched him go with their jaws slack in surprise, while 'Hoty' just looked smug. "He is going to have a hard time finding help," he said finally.

"Why?" Tegs asked.

"Cause I warned both places ahead of time about this little 'joke'," His grin was wide.

"A rather cruel joke I might add…."

"He deserved it," Sani said confidently. "Though…Lord Hood is going to be pissed when he finds out where his 'Complaint Department' grenade went…."

* * *

_Later…_

Lord Hood was not having a good day. First he had to deal with some rather pushy politicians making unreasonable demands. Then there was the case of fraternization he had to deal with, not to mention having to clean up his office after some kids somehow got in and toilet papered the place. On top of that, someone took the grenade part of his 'Compliant Department' paperweight. He suspected Ambassador Zeno's hand in the last one, seeing he was the last one in his office before it disappeared. Why the Elite Ambassador took it he had no clue, but right now, he had another problem to deal with.

At this very moment he had a very irate and slightly panicked Elite in his office. The Elite was missing most of his armor with his bodysuit pulled down, revealing a lot more then Lord Hood really wanted to see. By his skin coloration and armor color he believed this was Runi 'Gotern, a known trouble maker, but he wasn't certain: most of these damn Elites looked alike to him.

"So…why are you in here blinding me with your half undressed appearance?" Lord Hood said with a heavy sigh.

"Lord Hood, sir…," The Elite said, his voice shaking slightly. "I need to put in a compliant about your ER and EOD teams."

Lord Hood raised a brow at that. "You seem physically fine, so I don't understand the need to use the ER. I am also at a loss as to why you would go to the EOD office…"

"Because I have a freaking _grenade_ up my ass!" Runi hissed. "Neither place would help me! In fact they just started laughing! My ass is getting sore from trying to keep it from going off and they are _laughing_ about it!"

He blinked slowly, the pieces starting to come together. A part of him wanted to send this Elite to the nearest safe area so the damage would be minimal when it went off. Yet at the same time he got this nagging feeling it wasn't nearly as serious as Runi is claiming it to be. "Just…out of curiosity…how did you get a grenade up your ass?"

"I was playing strip poker…," Runi started, fidgeting a bit: that explained the lack of dress at least. "With a few others. This…this Sangheili came in and crashed the game. Chased off one of my players, accused me of cheating, then shoved this thing up my ass for no reason! If I live through this, I totally intend to press charges!"

Hood could tell the young Sangheili wasn't telling the whole truth, but let that slide for the moment. "Describe this Elite…," After Runi gave him a description he groaned and rubbed his face. Yep, that was Zeno all right.

"Good evening Lord Hood," A familiar voice suddenly announced, right on cue. Zeno, it seemed, had impeccable timing. "I am here to return your grenade…or rather…what is left of it." The Sangheili Ambassador held up his hand, revealing the pin of the grenade, the yellow '#1' tag still on the ring.

"I'd ask what you did with it, but I think I have a good idea thanks to Runi here…," Lord Hood groaned.

"Oh how nice of you to return the rest of it Runi!" Zeno said with a grin. "At least in spirit anyway…seeing it seems you have yet to remove it from your posterior…"

Runi looked flabbergasted and uncertain on how to respond at first. "Y…you mean this thing is not…"

"Real? Oh it was real at one time," Zeno explained. "But it no longer has any explosives in it. So it is perfectly safe."

Runi blinked at him, mouth agape. Then there was a loud _clunk_. All parties looked down at Runi's feet to see the grenade on the floor: Runi immediately jumped back away from it. "Well, there is the grenade sir," Zeno said with a smile.

"I am not touching that until it is sterilized," Lord Hood said stiffly. "And since you are the one responsible for it's…state…you are going to take care of that."

"Oh very well…I suppose it is only fair," Zeno said with a mock sigh, taking a tissue from his desk to put the now slightly smelly grenade in.

"Fair!?" Runi snapped. "I am still going to press charges against you pal for what you did to me!"

"Son, you don't have a prayer against this guy," Lord Hood said. "Do you not even recognize your own Ambassador?"

"Zeno 'Ribal at your service!" Zeno said, bowing slightly.

Runi looked at him dumbstruck for a moment. "Amba…Wait…are you not also…one of the Shipmaster's…."

"Recon troops? That is correct," Zeno replied with a smile. "Do you really think you can win a court case against me?"

Runi didn't respond to that. Instead he fainted dead away.

* * *

What he thought was going to be a stressful evening with having to deal with Runi and his antics, ended up rather fulfilling. Not only did Runi get his due for both cheating and being a jackass toward him, Sani met someone new. Someone that made his hearts do flips in his chest and made his head spin.

After Runi had ran out of the room screaming, everyone decided the game was over for the night. Before 'Hoty' had run off, Sani had inquired about his name. The man had smiled at him and replied 'Zeno'. Zeno. Zeno. Where had he heard that name before? Sani was sure he would figure out in time.

For now though, it was time to tuck in for the night. With Runi busy trying to get a fake grenade out of his ass, he was not likely going to be disturbed tonight. So Sani retired to his own quarters, a separate room from Runi the Shipmaster was able to arrange for him. After a quick wash up, Sani curled up in bed, with a smile on his face and thoughts of Zeno in his head, and went to sleep. That night he had very pleasant dreams indeed….


	11. A Haunting

_**Authors Note:**_ My first Halloween special! Hope you enjoy it. Oh, just a warning for first time readers of my work whom have yet to read 'Chains of the Past' or any of the 'Zendou' series…spoilers ahead.

Thanks to my beta for proofing this.

_**Disclaimer**_: Halo, Sangheili, Rtas, Thel/Arbiter and other canon characters belong to Bungie Studios/343 Industries. However, Original Characters, like Zeno, belong to me.

* * *

**A Haunting**

It was a summer house, built by a clear lake in the middle of a temperate forest. The house looked old, likely made of materials humans haven't commonly used since the 21st century, but it wasn't falling apart: a testament of good maintenance over its long history. Still, Rtas worried the wooden steps may break under his weight as he ascended them to the front door, hearing an ominous creek with each step.

"Looks nice on the outside," a female voice said behind him. "I wonder if that would hold true on the inside as well."

"I am sure it does, Ella," Rtas replied. "And you know Zeno almost as well as I: he would not play such a trick on us."

"But he is prone to playing pranks in general, Ruety," Ella countered, Rtas wincing slightly at the 'pet' name she used. "You going to open the door or not?"

"I would…If I my hands were not full: did you have to pack the whole house? We are only staying here for a few days…."

"Shush! I did not pack _that_ much and you did not have to try to bring everything from the transport in one trip you know."

"I figured the sooner we got in and settled the sooner I could start _relaxing_." He leaned toward her. "You could have helped carry a bag or two yourself, you know…."

"Humph! Where are those keys then, lazy boy?"

"Right front coat pocket." Rtas watched as Ella fished for said keys, though she also snuck a grope on his rear in the process. "Ella!"

Ella simply giggled as she fumbled with the keys a moment before unlocking the door. The door swung open to a dark, ominous feeling interior. As they walked in, Rtas felt a chill go down his spine. "You know…," he said softly as he looked around the dark entryway. "I am suddenly recalling something Zeno told me about places like this…."

"What is that, Ruety?" Ella asked as he heard her groped around for the lights.

"That old places like this tend to be haunted."

"Haunted? You mean by ghosts and such?" He nodded. "Please, such things are figments of your imagination. There is no such thing as ghosts. Ah, there it is." She must have found the light switch, as a light suddenly flicked on overhead.

It was an elegant light fixture, made of clear glass that emitted a yellow light. It revealed a wooden stairway to the left, with a long hallway running parallel to it. The hallway had a couple of doors, one on each side, leading to other rooms. He could not see what lay at the end of the hallway: the light did a very poor job of penetrating the gloom of the house.

Ella seemed to agree, as she went on a lightswitch hunt. After a couple of moments, she found more switches, illuminating more of the house. She even opened a few curtains, bringing in natural light. The natural light helped lift the gloom more than the house lights, but the single sun of this world was already setting.

"Ooooh, Rtas there is a fireplace!" He heard her call from the end of the hallway.

Rtas set the bags down by the stairs and joined her in what appeared to be the living room. The floor was polished wood with a few choice rugs here and there, mainly in front of the seating by the fireplace. The fireplace was made of stone and looked well used. Seating consisted of a couch and a couple of recliners in front of the fireplace, with another couch and a coffee table to the left, in front of a TV. The furniture overall looked…antique. He made a mental note to be careful while handling the furniture.

"We can spend the nights cuddling by the fire," Ella said. "I have heard humans say it romantic…."

"Uh-huh…," Rtas muttered, wondering if Ella was getting too engrossed in human culture like Zeno was.

They checked upstairs next, where Rtas, personally, had the biggest concerns. Would the bed be big and sturdy enough to handle two full grown Sangheili? What about the bathrooms? He shuddered at the thought of clogged plumbing….

The bed in the master room proved to be an adequate, king-sized bed that seemed to hold their weight well. Still, Rtas felt that they would need to be careful during any 'romps' under the covers should the mood strike them during their stay here. There was no way either of them would fit in that bathtub though and the shower felt very claustrophobic: it looked like any bathing may have to be done in the lake. It wasn't something Rtas hadn't done before while out in the field, though Ella would surely gripe about it.

They unpacked and had dinner, though it took a while for Ella to figure out how to use the stove. By then the sun had set, leaving only the full moon and the interior house lights illuminating the place. It left the place feeling gloomy and oppressive, but Rtas did his best to ignore it and focus on relaxing with Ella. The pair had opted to cuddle in front of the now lit fireplace for awhile before heading to bed.

"This is the life…," Ella purred. "No rude customers, arrogant warriors…."

"Nagging Elders, mischievous and troublesome underlings…," Rtas muttering, agreeing with the sentiment. It was nice to get away from it all for once.

"Just wish it was not so chilly…"

"Chilly?" Rtas looked at his mate. "I feel fine. Maybe you are not used to Earth climate? Or is this an excuse to get in my lap?"

"Good idea," Ella giggled as she did just that. "Though I really did feel cold."

"How about now?"

"Feel fine now."

"Uh huh, right…tricky female." Rtas did like this level intimacy though, so he wasn't complaining _too_ much. Funny, why was he now feeling a bit chilly?

Just then all the lights in the house went out.

"Whoa…must be power outage," Rtas said. "Maybe even faulty wiring?"

"Likely will come back on eventually," Ella said. "We still have the light of the fire, at least."

Rtas agreed, resting his head on Ella's neck as he decided not to worry about the lights. If it came to it, it shouldn't be too much trouble to grope their way up to the bedroom. Or they could just sleep on the couch. _Hmm…Interesting prospect…_ Rtas thought with a faint smile.

_Thump. Thump._

"Rtas….what was that?" Ella asked.

"I do not know," Rtas replied, looking around, but could see nothing beyond the range of the light the fireplace provided. "Sounded like it was upstairs."

_Thump. Thump._

"There it is again…," Ella said, looking about herself now.

"Maybe it is the house just settling, or something…." However, Rtas was doubting his own words, for it clearly sounded like footsteps. Heavy, slow footsteps, as if someone was walking about upstairs, but no one else should be in the house.

The pair listened as the as sound continued, then changed when whatever it was got to the steps: an ominous creaking sound not unlike the sound of the front steps earlier. It was sending chills up Rtas' spine. "Hello?" he called out, wondering if it could be a maintenance worker or something, but someone like that would have announced their arrival, surely. There was no response, beyond the steps of the stair steps continuing to creak, one by one.

"You did bring your sword, right?" Ella asked softly, clinging to him.

"Yes, but it is upstairs…."

"A lot of help that is going to do us right now if this is an intruder intent on harming us!"

"I know how to fight without a sword, Ella."

By now the sound at reached the ground floor and was heading toward them. Rtas was getting more and more unnerved. "Who is there!" he demanded. "Announce yourself!"

There was pause in the sound of approach, then it began again, this time more quickly. Rtas and Ella jumped to their feet, facing the hallway, trying to see the intruder. Halfway down, the sound increased again, this time like the entity had broken into a run. Rtas dropped into a fighting stance, every muscle in his body tense and ready to react.

Rtas was an expert tactician, able to make quick calculations on what his enemy was doing and how to react. His mind was telling him the person should be within the range of the light by now, but his eyes saw nothing. Yet, his ears told him the entity was right in front of him.

Then he felt very cold.

It wasn't like a cold wind coming through the house though: this cold felt like it came from within and it chilled him to the bone. His mandibles clattered as he rubbed his arms, trying to drive away the cold from his hide: beside him he saw Ella was doing the same. Seconds later the fire went out.

"Rtas!" Ella cried out, sounding a bit freaked out.

"I am here, Ella!" he called back, reaching for her. When he found her they pulled each other close, trying to warm each other.

At that moment, the lights came back on and the fire reignited on its own.

"I...I think we should go to bed…," Ella whimpered.

"Agreed…," Rtas said, the cold in his person finally gone. "We can try to figure out what just happened in the morning…."

* * *

It had taken awhile for Rtas to fall asleep that night, his warrior's instincts telling him something wasn't right in the house. He didn't know what time it was when he finally drifted off, but it had to have been rather late, or early, depending on your point of view. Regardless, he was slightly groggy the next morning and couldn't even begin to focus on figuring out what happened last night until he had eaten breakfast.

Once he was fully awake, he called the local power company to inquire about the power outage. He was told there had been no outages that night. Rtas was also informed that outages at that particular residence happened frequently, but the electricians had found no problems with the lines. They had even completely replaced all the wiring in the house once, with no improvement. The last thing the man told him was 'hope you believe in ghosts'.

Rtas snorted and hung up. "Brute dung," he muttered.

"Find out anything?" Ella asked. After Rtas told her what was told to him, she said. "Indeed, brute dung. Obviously their techs did not do a thorough enough job to fix the problem. Could be a faulty wire down the line away from the house for all we know, or neighborhood kids playing pranks."

"That may explain the lights, but it does not explain the sounds we heard, or the fireplace going out like that without reason, let alone lighting itself again."

"Maybe it is an elaborate prank set up by the owners of the house. Didn't Zeno say that humans can be quite _inventive_ when it comes to pranks?"

"Indeed and if it is, I will certainly have a few choice words to say about it," Rtas growled. "We came here to relax, not be scared out or wits."

Ella had that teasing grin on her face. "You were scared?"

"Of course not! Disturbed, maybe, but not scared. And you were disturbed right along with me."

Ella folded her arms and glared at him.

* * *

They checked the house thoroughly before attempting any kind of relaxation. The pair found nothing out of the ordinary: no hidden doorways, rigged lights, footprints of would-be pranksters….nothing, nothing but the still oppressive gloominess inside the house, which still bugged Rtas. With their search coming up fruitless, they both wrote it off as a one-time oddity: maybe they had dozed off and dreamed the encounter. Though the fact they would have had the same dream at the same time seemed rather farfetched.

So they set about enjoying themselves, confident last night was the only oddity they would encounter. They took a walk on a forest trail and went swimming: Ella wanted to go skinny dipping but Rtas said no to that. During this time, nothing strange happened…

…Until the late afternoon.

Rtas was in the den, checking out the books seeing if there was any interesting human literature to read while Ella was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. He had just found one that may be interesting and started to sit down in a chair, only to end up on the floor instead. Rtas stared at the ceiling for a moment, puzzled and confused: surely the chair was right behind him before he tried to sit down. Looking, he saw the chair was to the right of him.

_Odd…_ he thought, as he got up and tried again, only to 'miss' once more. Looking, the chair was now to the left of him. "What the…?" he grumbled as he got up once more. This time, he grabbed the chair with his free hand to ensure it didn't move before sitting down. He was rewarded with the feel of wood beneath his rear and not the floor.

_Weird,_ he thought, as he opened the book. Perhaps the dim lighting of the room was messing with his perception and coordination.

_Thud._

Rtas whipped his head around at the sound. Looking down, he saw that a book had fallen off the shelf. He blinked at it, wondering why it would jump out of the bookshelf like that. Looking at the shelf itself, it seemed fine: no signs of rotting or leaning. He got up, picked up the book and put it back in its place.

_Thud. Thump._

He turned his head again toward the sound, this time seeing two books on the floor next to another shelf. Again, he could see no reason why the books would fall out and he walked over and put the books back. As he put the second book back, he thought he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking, he saw a book, edging out of its place on another shelf. Rtas eyes widened as he watched the book continue to do so, eyes getting wider when the book didn't fall as it should have once it cleared the shelf and simply floated.

"Impossible…," Rtas muttered, waving his hand around the book, checking for strings or anything else that may logically explain this. He found nothing: the book was floating for no reason. Then it suddenly dropped to the floor, like it should have moments ago. Truly disturbed now, Rtas didn't bother to pick it up like he had the others. He walked out of the den and to the kitchen, where Ella was just finishing up cleaning.

"Find a book, hun?" Ella asked.

"Yeah…But I found something else as well…," Rtas said, his eyes still a bit wide.

Ella looked at him, her eyes narrowing slightly at his expression. "You look spooked, Ruety, what happened?" After Rtas told her, she shook her head. "Must have been a boring book if you dreamed that."

"It was not a dream, Ella! I had not even _begun_ to read when it started happening."

"Books cannot float by themselves in the real world, Rtas."

"I know that! But I also know what I saw."

A sound interrupted their debate. It sounded like something had been spinning and was at the end of its momentum. They both looked to see a small plate doing just that, before going still. The pair gawked at the plate for a moment before looking back at each other.

"Please tell me that plate had always been there…," Rtas said.

Ella was already shaking her head, her eyes betraying her fear. "No…I had put all the plates away…," she said. "Ruety…I am feeling chilly again…."

Rtas would not have believed her, if he wasn't feeling chilly himself. Behind him, he suddenly heard the sound of the fireplace igniting, which should have been even more impossible considering they had yet to use it this day. This was followed by that spinning sound again and they both turned to see _two _plates spinning on the counter now. Then the cupboards opened, one by one, before their eyes.

"Ellla…," Rtas said softly as the pair wrapped each other in their arms. "You still do not believe in ghosts?"

"I am seriously considering reevaluating my beliefs on paranormal activity…," Ella whimpered.

"Would it be considered cowardly to leave first thing in the morning?"

"Considering we cannot see our foes…I think a strategic retreat from this situation would not be considered cowardly."

"Then it is agreed we leave tomorrow morning?"

"Agreed."

* * *

They had a few more incidents that day, mostly flickering lights and a couple of floating objects, which only cemented their plan to leave early. Sleep did not come easy to either of them, even with the knowledge that the entities had yet to bother them in the bedroom. Next morning, they packed up and headed out, whatever it was that was haunting the place opening the front door for them.

"I say we stop at the first hotel and just stay there for the rest of our vacation." Rtas was muttering as he loaded the bags into the transport.

"You want to risk even more trouble?" Ella asked. "What if _that_ place is haunted too?"

"I seriously doubt every freaking hotel on this forsaken planet is haunted and I have no intention of cutting my hard earned vacation short, ghosts or no ghosts!"

"You know Zeno is going to have a field day when he finds out about this…."

"Who says Zeno has to find out? I will think of some excuse. Besides, I am his commander. If he did somehow find out, I can always _order_ him not to say a word under threat of death…."

As they sped away, two ghostly figures were watching them on the house porch.

"You know, Miko, that _was_ a lot of fun," one said, bumping fists with the other.

"Aye, but pity they freaked out so easily: I would have thought Ella at least would have resisted belief for a lot longer. As for your son, Anko, well…He _has_ been through a lot in his life."

"Indeed, but at least his life is finally looking up." Something 'tapped' him on the shoulder. Turning, Anko saw a human ghost, official looking, whom handed him a ghostly scroll before disappearing.

"What is it?" Miko asked as Anko read its contents.

"It's a Cease and Desist order," Anko replied, a bit flabbergasted.

"What?"

"Apparently, the usual spirits that haunt this place are upset that we showed them up."

"Pfft…They are just jealous of my talents."

* * *

**A/N:** For those wondering about the 'pet name' Ella gave Rtas, there is a reason for it. In every official commentary I listened to that involved Rtas, his name was pronounced as 'Rue-Tas'. Thus, 'Ruety' as a pet name. Now you know….

Also, I would like to take this moment to let my readers know that I am having difficulties with the next story in the Zendou series, _Duel Hearts_. I do what I can, but I am sorry to say that I do not know when I will start posting _Duel Hearts_. Please be patient….


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